this time last year i had only my govt job and the beach to worry about - not even my marriage until it was pulled from right under me. i spent the first decade of my adult life pining for some man from my birthland to settle with for the rest of my life so that i could easily return home and farm my future. i fixated on filling that gap with the goal of settling in guam in sight. i made it there but only lasted exactly three-hundred-sixty-five days. i barely got to plant those seeds. all those Guam-plans, dreams of permanent success, and well-intended contributions have been put on hold for the exact opposite result of where i started: divorce.
i fled from the abrupt disappointment and failure for freedom and less worry. Guam is now the source of misplaced aspirations, a broken family left behind, a sidelined career...muddled by pretty pictures of faraway faces left for me to visit on just the internet.
my Guam-state-of-mind is in indefinite disarray until the cycle of life allows me to resolve itself.
and i'm okay. there is no resentment. there is absolute acceptance that this is how it was meant to bemy Guam-state-of-mind is in indefinite disarray until the cycle of life allows me to resolve itself.
