every trip home has been a different kind of journey. we left the rest of our clan behind. this time, it's a newly-pregnant me and my almost pre-college kid.
how different it is to be home and over 30. the age that is the invisible line in the sand of when you're supposed to be serious about life and be sure about every decision you've made or are about to make. like the fact that i've been a bouncing rubber ball between california and guam - physically and mentally. and where i am supposed to live in a forever state.
in the land where people have babies before they make careers, marry at an expected age, and live off their elders...i find it hard to be in that "keeping still" state. my 3-year antsy-ness kicks in. i expect myself to be infinitely pursuing happiness, making drastic changes, and putting an end to those grand schemes...because everyone seems to just be at home or done - or both.
but no, i coaxed my lovely friends away from their complacent schedules and joined those who were still keeping up with the jones'. this meant early awakenings, daily rituals of lunch, coffe/tea, dinner, (virgin)drinks...and whichever spot they'd let me fill in...even if it meant going to bed in the A.M. hours.
i have no idea if this would even be an accurate or appropriate uber-geeky reference, but on several occasions, i described myself as a klingon bird of prey that would latch on to do my job until i won my battle and was ready to find my next victim.
highlights?- mostly, long, drawn-out, overdue conversations; enjoying night music between the space of the ocean, sand, and sky; seeing the transformed faces of the kids that grew too fast; and knowing that my son at 17, FINALLY has a sense of home, of place.
i returned to california ahead of him while he basked in the spoils of my mother...waking up past noon, breakfasts ready and waiting...and only plans of an outdoor hike or a late night movie. his 6-weeks convinced him that life on Guam could be forever-life for him...abandoning california and trading it in for uncertainty and complacency. he stayed there much too long to be convinced that retuning home could be his life plan.
this was the exact opposite of how he felt when i moved him back home in 2007...just a mere 4 years ago. of course we are now back to daily grind, with logic and sense restored. The verdict remains that we will not be moving back just yet.
i like to think that i'll have my second wind when he's off to college. Find somewhere new and start fresh. i'll keep dreaming and take more trips and for now...grow with new baby.